Well, It Just Wasn't Meant To Be

I've been bugging Howie about adopting a kitten. I want a kitty because I recently saw one and it was so amazingly cute. Cuter than I remember kittens being. I used to have the same reaction when I would see a pregnant woman. I'd ogle her round belly, let out a sigh and wish that I was pregnant again. And while I was daydreaming one of my children would be lying on the ground licking dirt from the sidewalk and the other would have a diaper full of nuclear diarrhea that was starting to drip down his pant leg into his shoes. But I would ignore all that reality shit and continue my daydream (cue music and hazy mind vision) about a bouncy, giggly baby who would cuddle for hours and smell like freshly applied Johnson's and Johnson's. Except that's when my dream would be rudely interrupted by my one of my kids biting a chunk of flesh from my legs and spitting it across the highway.

I know in my head that a kitten would be a lot of work but I'm still sold on the idea. Cause I'm still daydreaming about a cuddly little purry thing who sits on my lap while I watch TV and I'm supressing the scratching, hissing and attitude. Howie......well, lets just say that he would rather me tie his testicles to the tow hitch of his truck and drag his naked body across a freshly asphalted street. That doesn't keep me from testing the waters to see if he's changed his mind. "Can we get a kitten now?". "NO." "How bout now?" "No." *pause* "How bout now?" "NO!" He's not wavering much but my hopes were raised when we were driving through the neighborhood the other day and he's all "check that out" as he points with his mouth to a sign on in the yard that reads "FREE KITTENS". I gasped and sat up quickly with my eyes permanently stuck to the sign and my head turning as we slowly drove by. "Does that mean we can get a.." "NO!" *sigh* "Someone's there, look lets go now before they give them all away." "NO."
"Why not?"
"It's just another mouth to feed."
"How much could it possibly eat, it's not like it's a elephant."
"I dont' like cats."
"That's what you said before we got Tyson and now you love her."
"No I don't!"
"Please."
"No."
"Pretty please. With a cherry on top...and marshmallows...and whipped cream...and nuts..."

He let out a loud sigh and finally turned the car around as I shook with excitement and let out a little squeal. I ran up the steps of the house, knocked on the door and when a woman answered I threw myself at her feet and asked to see the kittens. Except I was seconds late. The last kitten had just been given away and with that my hopes were dashed. When I came back to the car empty handed and explained what had happened Howie says, "well, it just wasn't meant to be."

And he has been regretting those words ever since:

"Hey, that last brownie was mine."
"Well, it just wasn't meant to be."
"The Penguins lost the game last night."
"Well, it just wasn't meant to be."
"Weren't we going to make out tonight?"
"Well, it just wasn't meant to be."

At this point we've compromised. I agree not to get a kitten and he agrees that I can complain a little longer.