I finally went to the doctor on New Year's Eve...because I felt like death, like if at some point someone would have offered to run over me with a snow plow, I would have carefully considered taking them up on the offer.
I've been coughing for two months but I didn't think it was anything serious, mostly because the doctor put me on a new medication with the hilarious side effect of giving me an annoying tickle in the back of my throat from time to time. A tickle, that if timed perfectly to where I haven't used the bathroom in an hour or so, I will immediately pee myself.
Doesn't that sound like fun?
So I thought it was no big deal.
But then the headaches started and then the stuffiness and ear aches and throat pain and before I knew it, I was in agony. Still, I didn't think it was a big deal. Nothing that a handful of Tylenol and a large amount of water couldn't handle.
I'd be wrong.
Turns out I have an ear infection, a sinus infection and bronchitis, the kind of bronchitis that makes me feel like I'm coughing up a chunk of my lung at least once an hour. My doctor looked at me with great sympathy, put his hand on my shoulder and said, "you don't have to be brave all the time."
He sent me home with four prescriptions and permission to take it easy for a few days. Is it sad that I need the validation through the diagnosis of a serious medical condition in order to give myself the permission to take it easy without feeling lazy?
So last night, instead of toasting with a glass of wine, I threw back 20 milliliters of Mucinex. It had the same effect. I was drunk and ready to pass out within minutes.
I wonder if I could get a do-over? Any of my friends want to get together for a re-New Year's Eve party? One in which I won't be wheezing so hard I sound like Chewbaka from Star Wars?
Let me know! Have your people call my people. Oh, and Happy New Year!!! :)